Have you had days when you can't wait to get back home, but, on the way back you end up thinking of many unrelated items on the mind that you want to delay going home as much as possible? For me, today was one of those days.
I wrote earlier about train of thoughts, and how beautiful the mind is in connecting the dots, and how fascinating it is to observe your chain of thoughts shift from one topic to another. It might seem exhausting to observe when you go through those thoughts, but, it really isn't. It is fascinating.
It took almost 40 minutes for me to get home from the university; on the same path that takes me around 15 minutes to commute on any given day. When I left our department, I was thinking about work. One of the keywords about work changed my line of thoughts to something related to work, and on and on, until it brought me to my mind and my blog.
I started to feel what is popularly known as the existential crisis among graduate students in this part of the world. I started questioning the foundation of my life, why I am doing what I am, how I can justify any of these that I'm doing. It was a strange moment of thought. A few months ago, I wrote about the impostor syndrome. Today, I felt like an impostor once again. Even though deep within I believe and fully comprehend the reason for what I'm doing right now, it still feels different at such moments.
The shift in thought was quite fascinating to observe and understand. I observed myself thinking about my work, then about an additional responsibility at work, then about the work schedule being hectic, followed by how I was finding it hard to manage many different responsibilities, and then a drastic shift to situations in life where I believe I feel I have failed or failed to accomplish things to my satisfaction, and then to feeling like an impostor. The best part is that after coming back home, I am able to sit down and document my thoughts.
I truly admire how beautiful the mind can be. How fascinating it is to see ourselves adapt to a variety of situations in life, to find ourselves reacting the way we do, it is just awesome.
I believe such walks home are necessary, to truly understand and justify our existence and what we are doing; to truly value the things we have; to understand that true happiness is in what we're doing right now; to become the best at what we are doing. I believe I have made up my mind to take such long walks home as frequently as possible, for that will give me the opportunity to look back at my life and value everything and everyone more frequently.
It could be a walk home, or a ride home, or a drive home. It could be sitting on a chair in the park. It is always good to get away from what is our comfort zone, from what is routine, and look back and justify our lives. It gives us all the support we need, and gives us an opportunity to come to terms with our lives.
I am yet to come to terms with what I thought on the walk home. But, I'm glad that I took it.
Thank you oh mystical nature, for having given me this mind to think with.